XMen and WalMart
by Viral
Summary: Finally, after weeks of non-stop missions, the X-Men finally have a chance to relax aside from the mutant lounging. And what convenience! A Wal-Mart has just opened in Westchester.


Title: X-Men and Wal-Mart  
  
Summary: Finally, after weeks of non-stop missions, the X-Men finally have a chance to relax aside from the mutant lounging. And what convenience! A Wal-Mart has just opened in Westchester.  
  
Genre: Humor  
  
Disclaimer: I do not claim ownership of the X-Men, neither am I making a profit from this story. This is fan fiction; a fan's version of expression in which he/she wishes to portray character(s) aside from the creator's original concepts.  
  
Author's Notes: This is my first try at a humor story. I'm not a very 'humorous' person, but I'm learning. ;-)  
  
Characters: Storm, Wolverine, Gambit, Beast, Jean, and Cyclops  
  
--  
  
Her blue eyes looked up the large sign that said "WAL-MART SUPER CENTER" and she could hardly make herself move from her complacent stature. She could hear the cars beeping behind her, but the conventiality of the store amazed her. It was quite evident that Ororo Munroe, better known as Storm, had lost all connections with the real world. She walked forward, keeping her eyes on the sign until she heard running footsteps behind her. She turned around in the middle of the parking lot, where cars were in a long line attempting to get out. Logan was running up to her, and said in his gravely voice, "Ro, get out of the street."  
  
"Oh, Logan, they can wait. I have never set my eyes on such a glorious building. Hurry, let us go inside!" she says as she grabs his wrist with excitement, and suddenly runs from the parking lot to the side walk where the store is, nearly being ran over numerous times.  
  
"Ro, calm down!"  
  
"Yes, do calm down, cherrie. Remy can't spot de ladies wit all de noise you makin." Remy Lebeau says with a smirk on his face as he looks to a blonde-haired lady lightly smiling at him before disappearing into the store.  
  
"Remy, no one wants you," Jean Grey says with a smile on her face, holding the hand of Scott Summers as they join the other three in front of the store.  
  
"Psst," Scott whispers in Jean's ear, "Remember, he knows that your hair is not really red. Don't bug him to much."  
  
"Yeah, and you keep that in mine, chere," Remy winks at Jean. Right then, his red eyes spot the furry blue beast Henry 'Hank' McCoy.  
  
"What's takin you people so long? Let's get inside already!" Logan says in a would-be commanding voice. The others nod as the six enter into the store, and are immediately met with a smell of McDonald's food. The next thing that hits their eyes are hanging yellow smiling faces accompanied with signs of "Everyday Low Prices".  
  
"Alright gang, in 1 hour we'll meet in the McDonald's and get something to eat," Scott notifies them as he and Jean trod off together.  
  
"Okay Freddie," Logan says to Scott as they go their seperate ways, referring to the 'gang' remark and the 'Fred' of Scooby-Doo.  
  
--  
  
"Hmm, the products here are very vast in brand name yet there is a very small difference in prices," Hank McCoy says as he walks through the store, peering down the aisles as he tries to remember exactly what he came for. "I wonder..." he says as his thoughts trail off. Luckily, not as many people were as prejudiced as they used to be, and his appearence didn't seem to put anyone on edge in the store. He approached a young man with a Wal-Mart jacket on. His blue eyes studied the man before he came to a complete stop, "Sir, could you direct me to the hygiene department of the store?"  
  
"Sure," the man says as he places a tagging machine down. He takes Beast's arm in his hand and points down one of the main aisles, "You're going to take this aisle all the way back towards the entrance. Once you reach the school supplies, you will make a left and on your right there will be the hygiene department. You can't get lost."  
  
"Thank you," Beast says with a smile as he walks off.  
  
The man mumbles to himself, "No problem buddy, you're gonna need the whole section to take home with you."  
  
--  
  
"Scott what are you doing?" Jean says as she slaps his hand away from his body. He was holding lingerie up to her body. A small linen bed skirt, red to match her fake hair color, and compliment her green eyes.  
  
"What's wrong with it?" he says with a smile on his face.  
  
"Scott, I don't wear second hand clothes! Since when did Hanes start making bedwear anyway?" Jean complains.  
  
"Uh, Jean?" Scott gives himself a wedgie, pulling up his boxers and showing her the tag.  
  
"Scott!"  
  
--  
  
"Hey pretty lady," Remy says as he approaches a brunette who is browsing through books. She immediately lifts her head and looks at him, captivated by his charm and accent.  
  
"Why, hello there," she says as she places the romance book back on the shelf and walks toward him.  
  
"Remy couldn't help but to notice beauté," he says as he meets her halfway and they stand. They are the same height, so their eye level needs not to be changed.  
  
"And you speak French, that's a plus."  
  
"You know Remy's name, how about Remy now your name?"  
  
"My name's Tracy," she says as she pulls his shirt and brings him closer to her, "And Tracy would like to give Remy a little present." She leaves her cart where it is, forgetting all about it as they walk to the bathroom together. Into the men's room they both go, locking the door behind them.  
  
--  
  
Hank finally reaches the hygiene section of the store where he walks down the aisles now. "With such a large collection of items they must surely have Head and Shoulders," he smiles with confidence as he walks down the aisles, looking from side to side. "Dax," he says as he names the other shampoo brands that are there, "Garnier Fructis. Redken. Organic shampoo?"  
  
--  
  
Ororo walks up to the big screen TV in the electronics section. "What an amazing piece of technology. All the TVs back at the mansion are so small," she says she studies it. Other people are watching the television, but she doesn't seem to notice them as she rubs her hand across the screen and then across the black exterior of the TV.  
  
"Hey lady, we're watchin' that," a man says as Ororo finally notices the other people standing there with frustrated looks on their faces. "What is this movie you are watching?" she asks, never noticing exactly what was on the TV.  
  
"The X-Men Movie," a voice comments.  
  
"The X-Men... Movie?" she questions to herself as she steps back. Blue eyes get serious as eyebrows go inward and she concentrates on the TV. "That's me!" she points and says with excitement as she sees Halle Berry come on the scene through the metal detector at the Statue of Liberty. "They made my hair blonde!" she continues to speak as people become annoyed. She chuckles a small bit when the metal detector goes off on Logan.  
  
She watches in silent as Mystique comes on the scene and fights Logan, "Mystique looks even uglier on the big screen," she laughs within herself.  
  
Continuing to watch, she sees Toad defeating Cyclops with one kick, and then easily taking down Jean. Next she is walking across an upper platform as if everything was normal. "What am I doing?"  
  
"Shh!" voices say but she ignores them, especially when Toad kicks her into the elevator shaft.  
  
"He would have never gotten that hit off on me!" She is eager to see what happens next, but the scene changes back to Logan and Mystique. She becomes impatient, wondering what had happened to 'her'.  
  
"Oh hurry up!" she yells as Mystique climbs up the pole up-side down. The first thing she notices is Scott releasing an optic blast and she puts up a defensive stance, thinking it was real as the superb sound effects shocked her ears. "Oh..." she says in an embarrased tone.  
  
Back to the elevator, the scene moves, and she jumps up and down, white hair bouncing with her. Lightning cackles on the TV screen as Halle Berry acts as Storm and Toad gives his lines, "Don't you people ever die?"  
  
"No we don't!" Storm says, pushing her fist in the air with excitement. She silences as she watches the wind pick up in the movie and Toad is blown outside. The glass doors are shattered beyond repair as souvenirs fly out and into the harbor below. Ororo smiles with glee.  
  
Halle Berry stands outside of the Statue, eyes cackling with intelligent energy, "Do you know what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning?" the scene goes up to the sky where a lightning Storm is brewing. Halle Berry continues, "Same thing that happens to everything else." And lightning takes Toad to his watery grave.  
  
"WHAT? HOW DARE THEY GIVE ME SUCH HORRIBLE LINES!" Ororo yells as a lightning bolt devours the TV and the entire electronics section begins to malfunction in an uproar. "AND THEY GAVE ME BLONDE HAIR!"  
  
--  
  
"Hello," a woman says with brown eyes as she approaches Hank. She places a gentle brown-skinned hand on his shoulder. He looks up to see a beautiful woman with raven-black hair and a Wal-Mart cloak on smiling at him. "Is there anything I can help you with?" she asks in a sweet, mellow voice.  
  
"Actually, there is. Do you have 'Head and Shoulders' shampoo in stock? I have not been able to find it. I figure you have the best stuff hidden somewhere."  
  
"Sorry, our stock of 'Head and Shoulders' is coming in late this time. But there is some very good organic shampoo that I use."  
  
"No thanks," Beast says with a growl in frustration as he pushes the woman to the side gently and walks towards the McDonalds. "After an hour of searching you'd think they would have a bottle of 'Head and Shoulders', but do they? Oh for the sake of Sir Isaac Newton!"  
  
He stands in front of the McDonald's for only a second before he is joined by Scott and Jean who are arguing. Scott is dressed in a silk bedroom dress, hairy legs showing a shunned side of the X-Leader. "Scott, I am not wearing any of that!"  
  
"I'll wear it then," he pouts.  
  
Soon after, Ororo arrives and behind her there are shelves falling over with gusts of wind. "They gave me blonde hair in the X-Men Movie! And to make it worse I had horrible lines! I am never coming back to Wal-Mart again. And the screenplay writer is going to get a little message from me!" she says to herself, as the other three laugh at her in confusion.  
  
"Aaah!" Remy runs up to them and hides behind Ororo's tall body. "Stormy, you got to protect me."  
  
"Remy, what is wrong with you?" Jean asks.  
  
"There was the beautiful feminine brunette I met at the book section, and before long we ended up in the bathroom together."  
  
"What's so bad about that?" Scott asks as Jean smacks him on the shoulder.  
  
"After being in the bathroom for a few, I found out 'he' wasn't so feminine."  
  
The other four laugh as they forget their own situations. Remy, trying to silence them, asks if any of them had seen Logan. They all say no, but soon enough they hear his groggy voice shouting with excitement. They look and see him skipping down the aisles with a large comforter and numerous toys in his hand, so many he can hardly hold them. "Look guys!" the once depressive mutant says with joy. He stops his jolly skipping when he reaches them. He lets the toys and comforters fall as he looks at all the "Wolverine" products with a smile on his face. "I love Wal-Mart! They worship me!"  
  
"Next time, you're coming alone," Remy says as he walks out in anger. Ororo follows with the same tone of anger, as well as the frustrated Hank. Jean shakes her head at the way Scott is dressed and leaves the store as well.  
  
"I look good in this don't I?" Scott asks Logan.  
  
Logan picks up one of his action figures, and pushes a button on it. The toy speaks, "Yeah right, bub!" 


End file.
